Sanctuary

I had visited Paris only once before while in school.  I wondered how the city could remain so beautiful and vibrant in all the years since I had seen her, when I now felt so old and broken.  My nursing career was over, and love was lost to me.  I arrived at Rose's a puddle of depression, and Rose, my sweet Rose, wrapped me in her arms and whispered words of comfort while I cried on her shoulder.

It was impossible to stay wrecked for too long in Rose's presence and soon I was dry enough that she could show me around her home without worrying about my dripping on the wood floors.  Her house wasn't as big as The Professor's, but it was beautiful.  Like the floors, the walls were paneled in wood, and the whole place reminded me of a kind of church.  It felt a sense of relief here.  Rose's home reflected her calming nature and for me it was, and always would be, a sanctuary.

On the Advice of a Lion

When I awoke the next morning, a cab was already waiting for me.  Esme had arranged an early flight and it was she and not The Professor who saw me out to the coach.  Supposedly he had taken ill last night, but when I looked back at the house I saw him gazing at me through his bedroom window, reminding me of my dream.

It was not the first time the lion with the mechanical eye had paid me a visit in my sleep.  He has been an occasional nocturnal companion of mine since childhood.  The first time I dreamed of him he stood in the heavens, and as I looked up he parted the clouds.  At the time I believed that he was God.  I now believe that my perception was influenced by an active imagination and popular children's books.

Still, the lion always gives advice, and like that naive child I always feel compelled to follow it.  I reason that it is my subconscious and not God that directs me, so following the course set by the lion is a...rational thing to do.   After all, he has never steered me wrong.  At least not until he sent me on that walk through the jungle in Peru.

A Strange Dream

That night I dreamed of a lion with a mechanical eye.  He told me that in Paris I would find my quest.  He showed me a city street lined with shops.  Colorful shops with warm light spilling from their windows.  But the street was cold and I started to shiver.

He then told me to put my face in his mane and count to ten.  I did this, and when I looked up we stood in a forest in front of a little cottage.  Snow was falling all around us, but inside the cottage a woman was sitting at a bench, her back turned, tinkering with a small metal object.  Beside her was a fireplace, and next to that, a little boy.

A light in the attic turned on, and I could see a man sitting in front of the window, typing on a machine.  It was The Professor working on a book.  I wondered why he and Esme weren't at his home, and who the little boy was.  I looked more closely at the child, and suddenly I knew.  Though in life I had no children, in the dream I recognized the boy as mine.

I looked again at the woman, thinking, "please let her be me, please, please make her me!"  Then she began to turn around, and I woke up.

Rose's Invitation

A week later, I received a reply from Rose.  She expressed astonishment over The Professor's engagement, assured me that I had not been wrong in believing he had romantic feelings for me, and scoffed at the idea that I was fickle or a villain.  She also insisted that I come visit her in Paris, "at once!"

So that was that.  Rose knew that even if I wasn't feeling awful, there was no way I could turn down a trip to Paris.  That night at dinner I told The Professor and Esme I was leaving.  Esme seemed sincere in her disappointment that I was leaving, but The Professor, still refusing to look directly at me, mumbled that maybe it was for the best, if it was what I really wanted.

That night as Esme escorted me up the stairs to my room, I felt The Professor's gaze on my back.  I glanced down, but he immediately looked away.  Then I realized he was probably just watching Esme anyway.

Killing Me Softly

A couple of weeks later, I still didn't know what to do about Tesla.  I decided to write Rose to tell her about our meeting and ask for her advice.  I began the letter by recounting my impressions of Tesla and his offer, but I knew she was really waiting to hear about what happened with The Professor. 

As usual, I found it easy to confess my feelings to Rose.  I told her of The Professor's engagement to Esme and the profound grief I have carried since hearing the news.  I told her I feared I had created my own unhappiness by not realizing my true feelings for The Professor until it was too late, or that I had been a complete fool in believing he ever had feelings for me. 

What I feared most though, was that I was a fickle woman, only capable of caring for someone once they are lost to me.  If this was the case, than I was the villain in my own story and my stay here would only cause trouble for The Professor and Esme. Not only was I completely heartsick,  I did not want to ruin the happiness of my dear friend and his intended.  In short, I had to leave.

Time It Was

The Professor told me that he had consulted with the best medical doctors and surgeons in the States and Europe and they all concluded that nothing more could be done for me now.  A few of them indicated that at some time in the future a better treatment might be available, and that's what gave The Professor the idea to meet with doctor Tesla.

Doctor Tesla, it turns out, was attempting to create the world's first working time machine.  He explained to me that if the machine worked as planned I would have two options: travel to the future in the hopes that technology would be sufficiently advanced for my leg to be repaired, or travel to the past in an effort to prevent the tiger attack altogether.

I thanked the doctor as kindly as possible (I could hardly take the man seriously), but I as I turned to leave he revealed the reason for his generosity in allowing me to use his machine; I would be the first.  Suddenly I felt very sober indeed.

Doctor's Appointment

I was scheduled to see the doctor the next day.  Being near The Professor was excruciating but he insisted on accompanying me to my appointment, never guessing that it was his presence and not my leg that caused my pain.

I was surprised when the carriage stopped outside a brick building in the warehouse district, and even more surprised when the clinic I thought we were visiting instead turned out to be a lab.  I tried not to be distracted by flashing lights and the buzzing of electricity while The Professor introduced me to the doctor.  I could immediately tell by his glasses and excited speech that the man was a genius.  His name, The Professor told me, was Tesla.